That I May Know Him

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"That I May Know Him"
"[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him - that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding [the wonders of His Person] more strongly and more clearly" (Phil 3:10 Amp)

- Paul, an Apostle

In 1986 I had an experience given to me that showed me the extreme importance of what Paul was saying. I found myself in a prison cell awaiting execution. Now, it turned out later that I was actually in my bed but I did not know this at that moment. I almost always know when I am having a common dream. But in this instance I had absolutely no idea that what I was experiencing was not actually taking place. The experience of it was exactly the same as if my body were involved as well.

For some reason I was awaiting execution. I do not know why I was in there or what my crime was. That was not important. For whatever reason I was going to be put to death in a few hours. The emotions and thoughts that I had in those moments before my death were very intense and surprising.

I thought, of course, about my family. I thought about my wife being a widow and my children fatherless. I wondered if they were in danger of imprisionment or death. I was very concerned for them but that was not my principal thought. I was also very concerned about my service for the Lord. I was going to see Him in just a few hours. The thrill and intensity and the panic of it was so real and so strong that it made me shake to the bones just to realize it. In a short time my theology was going to become sight! My Savior was going to become my Judge. My Lord whom I had seen through a glass darkly was, in moments, going to be before me. Or rather, I was going to be before Him.

A hundred burning questions raced through my mind. Was my service pleasing to Him? Was it enough? Whatever I had done or left undone was set in eternal concrete. Would there be commendation or condemnation? A reader may question the strength of my faith admitting to these questions but, have a little mercy - I was going to die! I had no further chance to serve God. I had no power to change any part of my life or service. Did I really have faith; saving faith? The blind Sunday School rhetoric from childhood wasn't going to cut it in front of the Almighty! The foolish winds of doctrine that we sometimes consume ourselves with seemed so unimportant now. Yes, totally unimportant now.

Then I experienced a most interesting thing. The concerns that I had felt so strongly about my wife and children vanished. The struggle about what I had done (or not done) for Christ evaporated and a new thought came into focus. I knelt down on the cold, damp stone floor and was struck to the heart with the question, "Do I know Christ?"

Think about it with me for a moment, please. Do you realize that if Jesus cannot save; if this gospel message that we have heard is not true then a man will leave this body and - being a timeless soul - will pass into a place where the nature and love of God do not reach. And a place where the eons of timelessness will be unable to change what we are: persons born in sin and destined to eternal darkness.

Can Jesus save? Is the Bible true? Can a man know he is saved? What if...? The firing squad may be coming this moment down the corridor! There is no time for religion. It won't answer the questions. The doctorate on the office wall back home won't help at all! This is reality and eternal reality. At this moment there is only one thing vital. Hundreds of things important but only one thing needful: Do I know Him? Do you know Him? I don't mean know about Him. I mean when you stand (or lie on your face) before Him will He recognize you? Or will you be a complete stranger?

It happened then, as I knelt there on that stone floor: I actually could not remember anything I had ever done for the Lord. I could not remember any sin. I even could not remember who my family members were. My soul was empty of all thoughts except this one: Do I know Jesus? That is, am I His intimate friend? Am I His constant servant? Are we on speaking terms? Do I love Him? Do I embrace Him as my very Life? Do I sense His pleasure with me?

As my memory came back to me, I sensed that it was time for me to answer the questions. I did not answer for some time. I don't know if I actually spoke out loud. I said, "Lord Jesus, there are some things in my life that I am ashamed of, but I believe that You are able to keep me. I hereby place the immense weight of my immortal soul into Your hands. I do not hesitate to step out into eternity because I know You are faithful and as weak as the truth of it is, I do know You! "

Oh, what joy and peace came over me! I was consumed by the thought of departing and being with Christ. I got up off my knees and was shaking with excitement at the thought of the executioner coming to see me off. I truly was severly disappointed when the vision faded and I realized that my end was not yet.

Do YOU know Him? Someday that will be the most important question that could ever be asked. Ask yourself the question now. When you meet Him face to face (or should we say face to feet?) will you be found on speaking terms?

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